Hi there! I am posting regularly from Explore the Bible's blog now. I also manage Explore the Bible's social media profiles @ExploreTheBible. For some sermon videos, go to jessethecampbell.com!

Be blessed, friends.
In Christ,
Jesse

The Twilight of my Twenties: From a Christian Millennial to Younger Christian Millennials

Our feet are bolted to the conveyor belt. We careen with merciless steadiness toward old age, so we may as well do so with a battle cry. I write to you, young adult Christian, from my last week as a twenty-something. For most of my professional life, I have tried to downplay my age so as to not be underestimated for it (I once buzzed my hairline to accentuate its recession), but now I feel the need to write as a twenty-something while I still can.

I feel good about my twenties. I'm grateful. God has been good and faithful to me the whole time and I'm grateful for the ever-growing sense of longevity that is present in my Christian walk. It's humbling and it's empowering. I've been a particularly hyperactive twenty-something. I was a homeowner by 22, married by 23, an author by 27, and the father of four kids by 28. At 29, I'm incredibly thankful to be a family man, to have my dream job, to be secure, and to have my doctorate in my sights. I'm grateful. I wrestled with whether or not to write this because I truly do not want to come across as braggadocious. You see, I'm just grateful. When you write something mundane that downplays your life, people complain that you're petty. When you write something significant about a major development in your life, people complain that you're bragging. So, who is qualified to write about Millennial life and what is left as acceptable to write? So far, most articles about twentyness by modern twenty-somethings are the self-fulfilling laments of adultescents who bemoan what they perceive to be our generation's plight. They underachieve, come across as entitled, and sneer at the world through horn rimmed glasses that peek over ironically expensive lattes flavored heavily with hot liquid opinion. Millennials, we have a lousy reputation, but that is not our name. It is true that many of us have squandered our youth and lost our faith all while blaming our parents, but it is simply not possible to accurately label an entire generation. Sure, we crossed the threshold of adulthood only to be greeted by a barren economic wasteland, but every generation has had its challenges and ours is actually not that bad. In fact, some Millennials with ambition and initiative have actually thrived precisely because their more talented peers pout from the sidelines. There is a reason that clinical psychologist Meg Jay's TED talk went viral. To a generation of Peter Pans begrudgingly coming of age, their adult peers seem weird. Having been born March 25, 1985, I write from the older half of the Millennial generation to the younger half born in the mid nineties or so. I hope to write the article I searched for, but could not find when I entered my twenties. May you grow to be weird.

Tithe, save, and invest immediately. I'm so glad I shook off the jocular jabs my fellow college freshmen gave me when I would mention growth stock mutual funds and emerging markets. I'm glad in a deep way that is hard to express and I'm not just talking about the sense of financial security that comes with savings: I'm talking about having gone through a financial hurricane when my son's treatment accrued over $3 million in medical expenses before insurance. Good grief. No one tells you you're going to have a son who is born without a trachea and that he will require groundbreaking clinical field trial surgeries every few days of his life for months on end. No one tells you how expensive funerals are. So, yeah, I'm really glad I began saving early. Freaking save and save now not because you want to spend your money on something stupid, but because one day your helpless child may need you and your beautiful sweet bride will look to you and your church to provide. Save. If you have a checking account, look into simple investing apps like Acorns to get acquainted with the stock market. Consider hiring the services of a C.P.A. your first professional tax year and look into financial advisers from ethical companies to help get your retirement started. From day one, contribute the maximum amount to your 401 (k) to which your employer will reciprocate.

Tithe and give. Even as we payed off medical bills, we never stopped tithing. Now, we look back on that season and are grateful for the chance to have worshiped in that way. It was refining. It was difficult, but it was amazing. Tithe because we are commanded to tithe (which is absolutely reason enough in itself), but also tithe because your heart overflows. Prioritize ten percent of your income toward ministry because ministry is a priority in your heart. The collection time during worship should be the most joyful time of the worship service for you. Oh, the honor it is to give just something to the God who gave us everything. Beyond your tithe, experience what it is like to give generously. Leave irrationally huge tips. Give drive-through workers generous financial gifts. Overwhelm a homeless person with restaurant gift cards. Give online to ethical causes that stir your heart. Honestly, this was a revelation for me. I used to get really irritated when my local Christian radio station would raise the funds they needed just to stay in business, but working in the church helped me realize how stupid that was of me. The basic reality is that electricity and water cost money and money is necessary to keep ministries ministering. Do you expect non Christians to give to Christian ministries? How do you expect them to keep their lights on unless Christians like you give? So, give.

This comes down to your monthly budget. Write out all of your monthly expenses and subtract them from your monthly income. Not only should you be living in such a way that your income is greater than your expenses (including your tithe), but you should have enough left over to save and invest. If you are saving each month, you are growing wealth. If your income equals your spending, you're stuck. If it is surpassed by your spending, you're doing it wrong. The bigger chunk you start your Roth IRA with and the earlier you start it, the more you will see the absolute magic of compound interest work in your favor. Saving just $100 and putting it in a growth stock mutual fund that averages 12% interest in returns for 40 years yields $1.176 million (Dave Ramsey)! Do you get that? Even if you make a modest income, investing this way in your twenties makes you a millionaire in your sixties and the knowledge that you will one day be a millionaire motivates you and does away with the immense distraction that is the fear of financial ruin.

Read the whole Bible. Do it.

I'm glad I stuck to my "weird" views on marrying young. My bride is my best friend and my fellow world traveler. It is absolutely the most obtuse false dichotomy I have ever read that one should postpone marriage for the sake of travel. My bride and I have traveled the world together. The last article I read that posited travel and marriage as somehow mutually exclusive was written by someone who had been to half the number of countries I've been to since my wedding day. What?

Now, we are planning our life together around the reality that we will be empty-nesters in our early forties. We hope, if it's within God's will, to transition back to a couple of mid-level sports cars from our current fleet of baby-hauling S.U.V.'s when our youngest gets his license in fifteen years - long before my hair (or at least all of it) is gray. Though, my wife may prefer to keep her gargantuan baby-hauling bus. I still chuckle when I see this tiny woman roar up in her monstrous truck full of rambunctious little Campbells.

I'm glad I held onto my virginity until my wedding day. Yes, this is still a thing. Yes, it is achievable. Yes, it is ultimately worth it. Yes, this commitment contributed to our marrying young. No, I'm not so unattractive that this was easy for me to accomplish. No, you will not enter your marriage with a black belt in sex this way. No, that is not a bad thing. No, I will not go into illustrated details as to why.

I'm glad we had kids early. "Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth," reads Psalm 127:4. I have been young, single, and without children. I have been and now am married with children. So, I know firsthand what each lifestyle is like and I pick being a dad. Being a parent will make your life far more complicated, but the rewards eclipse the challenges - even in the worst case scenario when your child dies. Parenthood is absolutely above and beyond the greatest estimations I had of it before I became a dad on April 27, 2010. That God brought me into fatherhood somewhat early (for our generation at least) means that I get to spend more of my lifetime in this irrevocable bliss. Again, I'm grateful. It takes some daggum endurance to keep up with active kids. It takes a healthy back and good knees to hike up mountains and trek around the Magic Kingdom thrice with a toddler strapped to your back. Our kids have had some incredible adventures and most of them have been extremely taxing for us physically. I will let you know how I feel in my fifties, but I suspect that waiting to have kids would have made this aspect of our life more difficult.

For that matter, I may one day be able to tell you exactly the difference between hiking with a kid on your back at 29 versus hiking with a kid on your back at 49 because, if my oldest son chooses to live out his life on a timeline similar to mine, I will be a grandfather before I turn 50! Because of their youth, young fathers can realistically dream about their futures as patriarchs of large extended families. This exciting prospect alone is reason to at least consider marrying young and starting a family quickly. Being a young dad is awesome. Sure, the lone wolf has freedoms that I should not have, but I am happy to have lain those down at the altar of my family. It is a worthy cause and has turned out to be a fantastic transaction for me. Furthermore, I draw an immense sense of drive to earn and achieve more because I must provide for my family. The stakes are high, so I am highly motivated. On average, fathers earn 40% more than men of the same age who have not yet had kids.

By the way, we just passed the initial approval stage to start the process of adopting a little girl from Hong Kong!

Take care of yourself physically. Browsing your Facebook feed ten years from now, you'll see your friends happily gaining weight without realizing it. You may see old pictures of yourself and sigh. I have. The activities I was involved in through college kept me extremely fit despite what I would later realize was an utterly horrendous diet. After graduation, when I stopped doing those activities but kept eating the same way, science happened. So, take care of yourself.

When you become a parent, this becomes much more difficult. There have been many times when I have chosen to give my workout time to my bride and/or my boys. When I'm heading out the door to the clubhouse in my workout clothes and hear through my ear buds, "Daddy, come snuggle with me before bedtime," from the couch, my duties as a father utterly trump my need to exercise. It is better to be a slightly pudgy dad who is present than a ripped dad who misses bedtime, but you don't always have to make that choice. There have been seasons in my life when the middle of the night has been the only time I could possibly exercise. It's actually pretty enjoyable to have the gym and the jogging trail to yourself. Well, almost to yourself. When I lived in Florida, on three different occasions, I encountered an alligator, a particularly irritable opossum, and an armadillo while running late at night.

Speak wisely, or do not speak. This lesson learned almost kept me from writing this article. I'm self-conscious about how I will one day feel about these very words and there is a good chance that I may end up deleting this whole thing... just like I deleted all 30 of the articles I wrote for my livejournal when I was your age. Things I wrote in my early twenties make my skin crawl today. At the time, my own writing seemed deeply impactful to me, but I later realized that it was almost all cringe-worthy garbage. Ugh. Perhaps it was the fact that my own musings seemed profound to me that made them terrible. You see, I was "wise in my own eyes" which Proverbs 3:7, 26:5, 12, 16, 28:11, and Isaiah 5:21 tells us is a very bad place to be. The perceived depth of your words is often inversely proportional to the number of times you contribute to a conversation. I learned this the hard way, learned it the hard way again, and lately have been somewhat of an internet recluse to avoid learning it the hard way yet again. In another sense, I feel like I got that stuff out of my system and that my former writings were necessary for my putting in the 10,000 hours (Gladwell's Outliers) that would ready me for a career in publishing - this mediocre article notwithstanding. So, yeah, I have a complex about anything I have written or spoken years ago, but I try not to be outright ashamed of my early work. I hope that's just symptomatic of the progress the Holy Spirit is making in me. I hope.

It seems like the bombastic fool would be constantly impressed with his own words, so let's try not to be like him.

Consider moving to a new city; even if just for awhile. I grew up in Pensacola, Florida. It's a great beach town full of incredibly kind people. Though the surf leaves something to be desired, I have yet to see a more beautiful beach anywhere in the world. However, no matter how great your hometown is, there are some firsthand lessons you can learn only outside of it. Living somewhere else is the only way you can know beyond assumption that your hometown is where you would choose to live. Proximity to family comes with some incredible advantages (childcare is ridiculously expensive), but it can also inhibit the growth of your marriage and can potentially slow your own personal maturation into adulthood.

Distance from family also forms a crucible wherein marriages can be strengthened. When you and your spouse are in a conflict, you cannot flee to literally familiar territory, but must stay and work out a resolution. Moving to a new city and learning your way around is electrifying and empowering. As a boy, I thought that I would never move. These days, I get restless after a few years in the same city. This is also a sign of the times that people from our generation often must move away for job opportunities whereas past generations tended to remain near their unofficial dynastic homeland because their dreams could come true right where their feet were planted.

Owe money to no one; not even your parents. Do not underestimate how comparatively drastic you must be to eliminate debt and how weird your lifestyle will seem compared to that of your peers as you do what is necessary to avoid getting into debt in the first place. This is some of the most spectacular advice my father ever gave me. In a conversation regarding his coworker who was cash strapped to his own father-in-law, he said, "Jess, never owe anyone anything. Then, you'll be your own man." He was absolutely right. You will be amazed at how healthy your relationships with family members are when money has nothing to do with them. Being debt free is fantastic. It's also weird for our generation. Some Millennials want to get married, have kids, and join gyms, but they feel that it would unwise in light of their financial debt. How frustrating. Learn from their pain. For some, this may require that you live a markedly less luxurious lifestyle than some of your Facebook friends for a time, but that is more than okay.

Recognize the college bubble for what it is. It is a spectacular fantasy world where unaccomplished people are respected for what they intend to attempt - something almost exclusive to academia. It is a profession wherein the fear of losing one's job is often practically eliminated - something almost exclusive to academia. You can teach religion as an atheist. You can bellow against capitalism as your parents pay your bills. It's wonderful. It is a well-insulated airport terminal where people are supposed to pass through on their way to adulthood, but where many choose instead to take up residence through their mid twenties. They hang around for a later flight and leave strapped with credit card and student loan debt. The independence of the college lifestyle in a new city is a mirage, but it can be a beneficial mirage. It whets the appetite for true long-term sustainable independence. It makes you crave the real thing and makes you warily conscious of the fact that your parents, your student loans, or perhaps even your scholarship dollars, are helping you pay your bills. Recognize the college world for what it is and keep your eye on the finish line.

Respect the true bride of Christ. Serve in church. Fellow Millennials who are angry with the church, I too have faced deep pain in my life. I have buried a child. I have lost friends too soon. I have been hurt by people in the church. I have been verbally (and even physically in one instance) attacked and slandered by church people to whom I had been nothing but kind and loving. It happens. However, we should not define the church by the lowest common denominator of the very worst behaviors by its least accurate representatives. The number of those who have hurt me are counted with double digits, but those who have blessed me number thousands. Of course sharing a mission alongside other people who are just as messed up as we are is going to bring pain, but that does not absolve us of the Great Commission and it does not undo what God's Word says plainly about His church. Yes, your feelings matter, Millennial. Yes, the terrible ordeal you may have faced would leave anyone wounded. Some apostate Millennials have been skewered by groups of Satan's representatives masquerading as a church, but most of the testimonies I've read from the Millennial exodus were written by people who just need to buck up already. If the church is completely messed up, then change the church, or change churches. Then, if the church is still messed up, it's partially your own fault. 

Where in the Bible did we get this notion that nothing bad would ever happen to us? Have we forgotten why the epistles were written? When church leaders sin, the people in their church are not somehow given license to sin too. When standing in judgement before God, we cannot point to the failures of our church leaders to excuse our own sin. There must be forgiveness among God's forgiven people. We must, as Peter exhorts, forgive the grievances we have with one another and love one another deeply from the heart. We must, as Paul describes, use our unique sets of gifts to assimilate into a force greater than our set of individuals. We are broken loaves and fish, but that is the stuff Jesus uses to feed thousands

You see, these slightly messed up congregations are all we have. So join one. You're a little messed up too, so you should fit right in with us. There is so much ministry to be done. There are so many mission trips to go on and you are of the ideal age and life phase to go on one. Serve alongside your fellow messed up Christians and maybe the Holy Spirit's sanctification will bring healing. Maybe He will make something new from the pieces - from we motley Millennials.

Now, on to my thirties. Tune in for the next installment a decade from now.

I Have Started a New Website!

Because the blog platform does not allow me to do everything I want to do with videos and downloadable music, I started a website and it works in conjunction with my books! Please, go to jessethecampbell.com and be blessed!

Sunrise Reunion

I took Austin and Asher (Cozy and Blue) to the tennis court yesterday.  Austin zoomed around maniacally on his little car and I rode Austin's long board while Asher cooed at us from his seat in the middle of the court.  When Austin and I would ride to the other side of the court, Asher would protest violently until we came back to orbiting around him and he was assuaged.  Austin and I threw the football until he decided to teach Asher how to high five.  Having quickly grown dissatisfied with Asher's apparent stubbornness, he went back to hurling the football in my general direction.  I loved it.  I relished in it.  It was almost perfect; I was just missing one of my boys.

Aiden is perfect now.  I miss him so much, but am so taken with the vision of him breathing deeply.  I ache to hear his perfect voice.  What does it sound like?  What will he say to me when I see him someday?  What will his first words to me be?  Perhaps just "Dad," with a smile.  That would be enough.  I think I may just be too captivated with the sight of my boy in all his glory and the sound of his voice in all of his healed state to actually comprehend what he says; too enamored with the fact that he just spoke to me at all.  For all of our adventures, it is we living who are missing out.  Here's to the sunrise; to the day our family of five is together again one day.  May you be caught up in that inconsiderately violent hug at our reunion having given your life to Christ and therefore by God's grace been brought to heaven for eternity.

Mohawk Love Story: Some Unconventional Christian Dating Counsel

(Note the camera's erroneous date: this picture will be taken when Jessi and I are 39 and 41.)

I had a righteous 7" mohawk on my first date with my wife.  I'm not talking about a metrosexual hair-pushed-to-the-center gel job.  I'm talking about a legit vertical mohawk on my otherwise Mr. Clean shaved head.  It was savage and glorious.  At the time, I had just started my first job in ministry with a group of six students (which God grew to four the next week) and the idea of having 50 students in one of our Wednesday night services made all 5 of us gasp.  Today, so low a number in one of our services would lead everyone to the most immediately logical assumption that there had been a natural disaster resulting in mass casualties in the area, but at the time it was an ambitious prospect.  I challenged my handful of students to bring in 50 people and promised to let them give me a mohawk on the spot.  It took them three months; the perfect amount of time to land me squarely in the midst of a series of important pastor's conferences, drumline competitions, and the most important first date of my life... with a mohawk.

I drove up to Jessi's parents' house in my old Mustang GT "Lucy," popped the collar on my leather jacket to block a sudden icy breeze, and then thought of what a stereotype I must look like.  I also remembered at that moment Jessi's father's profession; pastor of a small church downtown.  I had messaged Jessi on Facebook to give her a heads-up.  I rang the doorbell and a soprano voice invited me to come in.  Jessi and her mom were sitting on their couch.  I would later learn they were just praying for our date that night.  Jessi's mom laughed when she saw my hair and her father walked out of the kitchen to shake my hand with a somewhat suppressed smile.  "This must be a father's worst nightmare," were my first words to my future father-in-law. "Pretty much," was his blithe reply.  I'll get back to the date itself in approximately 3.2 paragraphs, but first...

I was ecstatic to be taking Jessica Nott on a date at all.  She was far and away the "it" girl of Pensacola's biggest college ministry and had just recently returned from a long-term mission trip to Malaysia...something I found incredibly hot.  My friend (and future groomsmen in our wedding) Marshall whom you may have seen as the "gold guy" painted head to toe in glittering gold paint at FSU's football games followed me on his motorcycle all the way from Tallahassee just to introduce me to her because I had all but decided to become a monk and he was convinced Jessi and I would be married one day.  She was the Supervisor at a Chick-fil-A and was working behind the counter when we met.

          "Hi, my name's 'Jesse.'"
          "Wow, my name's 'Jessi' too!"
          "My name's 'Jesse' too!"
          "Mine too!"
           ....

It was an uncommonly socially inept moment for both of us.  As we left the restaurant, Marshall asked me, "So, are you still too busy to come to the beach with us tomorrow?"  "Not if SHE's going to be there," I replied.  "What happened to 'just me and God for awhile?'"  Well played, Marshall.  Meanwhile, inside Chick-fil-A, Jessi burst into the kitchen and prophesied to her fellow chicken peddlers that she had just met the man she was going to marry.  I would not learn about that until the night I proposed and her friend Stephanie who witnessed Jessi's chicken restaurant prophecy and would a year later be a bridesmaid shared it with the several hundred of our friends and family who came to our beautiful wedding reception.

The two of us ran into one another on various other occasions after our awkward/exciting first meeting, but I was pretty swamped starting a small business, a Master's degree, a new percussion program, and my first full-time job in ministry while she was only a couple weeks from leaving for Malaysia.  She and a guy I assumed she was quasi-dating joined me and some friends at Waffle House and the group social engagement ended up being a hijacked conversation between the two of us with an audience listening in as they ate.  She invited me to her going away party.  I said I would try, but wasn't able to attend.  Looking back, we both agree this worked out for the best because the all-eclipsing presence of my studliness would have sent her away thinking about nothing other than my deep brown eyes (seriously, you should see them) instead of doing God's work.  When she finally returned, I went to a worship concert that I knew she would attend.  Sure enough, as soon as the lights came up after the closing prayer, a tribe of eager little college boys SWARMED her and then followed her.  Having arrived late, I was in the back of the room, but I knew where she was at all times without being able to see her because there was a conspicuous amoeba of sycophantic guys 3 people thick from all angles migrating around the room with Jessi at its nucleus.  Not accustomed to having to pursue women, it was not until both of our moms (who worked together) told us individually that the other Jess(i/e) was not one to pursue that I knew I had to make a move...so I did...I got her number...while she was hanging out with another guy...a "date" I later learned she chose around knowledge of where I would be found that night :).  So, after waiting three days which is universally considered the coolest and least desperate thing to do, I called her and said I would be honored to take her on a date that coming Saturday.  My students gave me a mohawk on Wednesday, I attended a pastors' conference led by Ed Stetzer on Thursday, the drumline I directed won first place in drums at a band contest on Saturday, I baptized a few students on Sunday, and took my future wife on a date the next Tuesday; all with a fully erect mohawk.

Now, back to the date itself.  The first five minutes of this date were life-changing.  So much of our lives' directions pivoted paradigmatically in those minutes.  We pulled away from Jessi's parents house, rounded the first couple of corners on our way out of the neighborhood, and then I dropped what could have been a date atomic bomb.  Turning off the music somewhat abruptly, I cleared my throat and said, "Look, I'm not dating just to date.  I'm hoping to figure out who my future wife is and that's why I invited you on a date with me tonight.  My intentions are exclusively romantic, I'm not looking for more friends, and if that freaks you out, I can turn around and take you back home right now."  I held my breath for her response, knowing that what I just said was completely contrary to the status quo contemporary dating modus operandi, but also knowing that I was way too busy to just get coffee or perhaps some gourmet fish with just another woman no matter how delicious the fish or even potentially amazing the woman.  With my foot expectantly hovering over the brake, my abs involuntarily flexed, and my teeth internally clenched, I waited an excruciating 1.57 seconds until she gasped out her response.  "G...Oh, thank God.  I have been so sick of guys wasting my time."  I exhaled for the first time in the duration of our whole date.  That first five minutes immediately set the trajectory for the rest of our relationship from first date to Starbucks addiction to sleeping like homeless people in the park because we didn't want to go to either party's empty house where we knew we would be tempted (by the way, Jessi left me sleeping in said park and went to continue her mid Fall day nap in the car just in time for her mom to go walking in said park with a friend and spot me sleeping like a hobo) to our marriage today.  Because we wasted no time whatsoever in the whole nebulous "what are his/her intentions" or "I don't want to seem like a psycho for saying the 'm' word on a first/second/third date" morass.  Rather, we circumvented the circuitous by getting right to business.  The relationship's purpose was given crystal clarity from its kick-off.  "Are we supposed to be married?"  Answering that question was the purpose of our relationship.  That, accompanied by my intentional strategy to preserve our purity, ensured that our relationship would be a success whether we were meant to be married or not.  Even if we broke up, we would have answered the question "are we supposed to be married?" successfully and it would have done so without compromising our purity or forming unrealistically close bonds as those who get physically involved before marriage do.

We drove to the FishHouse; a beautiful and upscale restaurant overlooking Pensacola Bay.  I had swordfish and Jessi had tilapia.  I ordered creme brulee for both of us, but ended up eating all of it.  My mohawk was a novelty for the wealthy couples with whom we shared the place and even turned out to be mildly effective in blocking the aforementioned chilly breeze from Jessi's soft face as we walked along the boardwalk after the sun set.  My opening statement had put the date and our relationship on the fast track.  We spent the evening describing our families to one another, our current professional stati, and even disclosing the parts and pieces we each had to a vision for the future.  Conveniently, or perhaps providentially, said pieces complemented one another to form a tantalizing possibility that left us both incredibly excited at the date's conclusion and that is a great place to be after a first date.

The scriptural basis for this kind of approach is largely based in Romans 12 with other bases in James 2 and Song of Songs.  After laying out the beautiful grace of God not only toward his chosen nation of Israel in Romans chapter 9, but also the Gentiles in chapter 10, in chapter 11 he uses the metaphor of a chosen vine covered with ingrafted branches as the old covenant is satisfied and sacrifices are no longer necessary as Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice.  "Christ is the end of the law so that there might be righteousness for all who believe."  So, it is in view of God's mercy that Paul urges Christians to offer their bodies as living (keyword "living") sacrifices holy and pleasing to God in a spiritual (as opposed to old covenant physical) act of worship.  Especially when it comes to dating and marriage, we are not to conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.  Then, once we have the mind of Christ in this worshipful state, we will be able to TEST and approve what God's will is; his good pleasing and perfect will (paraphrase of Romans 12:1-2).  The nature of testing and approving is exactly what it sounds like: trying things out to see if they are or are not God's will.  When you make decisions with your heart worshipfully aligned with God's, your desires and decisions are far more likely to be in line with God's will because you now want the same things that God wants.  Psalm 37:4 reads, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."  How often has this verse been twisted to make Jesus into some cosmic Santa Claus? No, when you delight yourself in the Lord, he will give you DESIRES.  As you abide in Christ and his words abide in you, the things you want CHANGE to align with the things that he wants.  This is why John 15:5-7 says that you may ask anything and it will be given to you; because you want what God wants.  This is why Psalm 20:4-5 written by David reads, "May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.  We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.  May the Lord grant all your requests."  I understand the nature of and the heart of those who state the whole "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans" euphemism, but God's word in Psalm 20:4-5 trumps man's colloquialisms.

The first words God ever spoke to man as recorded in scripture were a qualification of man's freedom.  "You are free...(Gen.2:16)."  When God calls you to do the thing that makes the least sense, he is abundantly clear, but when the Holy Spirit is largely silent in a specific practical matter, it is because God has already told us through his word what we need to know and thereupon act.  So, those abiding in Christ should wholeheartedly and calculatingly pursue anything their hearts desire that God does not forbid.  Consider Paul and company in Acts 16:6-10 as the only guidance they first received from God was where NOT to go.  The Holy Spirit forbid them from entering Asia, so they traveled to Mysia.  The spirit of Jesus (what that means precisely I ache to know), forbid them from entering Bithynia, so they went to Troas.  God had a sovereign plan to bring Peter to those regions of Asia, Bithynia, Pontus, and Cappadocia, and Galatia (see 1 Peter 1:1) ten years later, so Paul and Luke traveled instead to Macedonia led by a vision of a man there and the gospel entered Europe!  American Christians owe their ecclesial heritage to the initiative of Paul who ACTED within the guidance God gave him.  Aren't you glad Paul didn't discern God's will the way most modern Christians do?  The man was like an hyperactive anointed loose canon; constantly traveling to do what he knew ought to be done.  Apply this balance between reverence for God's sovereignty and a realistic view for the necessity of man's initiative to the pursuit of a prospective spouse and you'll find the standard model for Christian dating advice wanting.  Such pragmatism seems unromantically scientific to advocates of the modern status quo Christian dating/courtship party line.  "Be still and feel.  Sense that God will bring about a disproportionately attractive spouse with no baggage when you feel most ready for it, though you have done nothing to bring this about yourself."  Such an approach leaves Christians refusing to do what they know ought to be done because they see it as an effrontery to the sovereignty of God.

Seemingly eternal single Christians often have these dreadful checklists with standards so high only Jesus could fulfill them, only Jesus wouldn't marry these people.  We ought to turn the checklists on ourselves, strive to be the best potential spouses we can be, and actively seek out (men) or strategically wait for (women) opportunities which we aggressively seize when they come about.  It is one thing to sit in the honest belief that God will bring you the one single person in this universe for whom you were predestined (God forbid you get that wrong and thereby forfeit the rest of your wasted carcass of a life).  That is faith...sort of.  It is quite another thing to have faith that God wills you to be married, to see a beautiful godly woman, and immediately walk up to her and get her number like a boss.  That is faith accompanied by action.  Yes, there are absolutely those times we must simply wait on the Lord, but God makes it clear when that is the case (especially for marriage-minded Christian women) and James 2 shows that faith if it's not accompanied by action is dead.  Compared to the hyper ethereal non method for discerning the specifics of God's will for one's life such as whom to marry, my counsel seems like cold hard math.  However, I like the way my approach helped to bring about my beautiful family better than the way their approach has kept them lingering in directionless and frustrating stagnation.  The couple in Song of Solomon exemplified this kind of deliberate and intentional pursuit and courtship.  I can hear some of the Christian counselors I knew as a college student telling the Lover in Song of Songs that he lacks faith because he is trying so hard to make things happen on his own.  The truth is, the Lover (Solomon before he became a huge creep) proved his tremendous faith by what he did.

"He who finds a wife finds what is good and gains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22)."  Look at the practicality in that verse.  Marriage-ready young single men, if you are abiding in Christ and know a marriage-minded Christian woman who is also pursuing Christ full speed and to whom you are attracted (believe me, attraction is important), then CONFIDENTLY ask her on a date.  Many believe you have to pay your dues in the friend zone pretending not to be attracted to one another before you can make a move, but that is definitely not what we did.  Instead, Jessi and I became best friends as we dated.

For six months, Jessi and I lived in paradise and grew rapturously in love with one another.  Moving forward with such great intentionality and clear purpose, it took only three months for me to see that it was God's will for us to be married.  I didn't share that with her for another three months after that, but learned when I did that she knew the same time I did...the same exact hour, in fact.  I was bringing a caravan of borrowed church vans home from a ski trip with over 70 people and Jessi was waiting on me in the parking lot of one of them. After a series of maddening encounters with gas station attendants and car wash payment machines that had seemingly never before processed a card, I was driving a van belonging to my buddy's church and found myself wanting to speed to get to Jessi.  The fastest my convictions would allow me to drive was five m.p.h. over the speed limit, so I resorted to pulling my body over the steering wheel and craning my neck forward as that brought me just a little closer to Jessi.  In that moment, God spoke to me in my heart, "Look at how ridiculous you look right now.  Of course she's your wife."  Meanwhile, Jessi was about to pace a hole through the parking lot whilst doing the little hand flying thing she does when God spoke the same thing to her.  The church van came barreling around the corner, we kissed (yes, before marriage and did so without compromising our purity once.  If you just lack all self control, do not attempt.), and we both secretly knew at the same time.  I proposed three months later, we were engaged (ugh...the institution of engagement is fodder for another post) for six months, and were married five days from the anniversary of our first date.  Take into account the fact that I was a 22 year old independent, educated, financially solvent, and mature man who had already begun my career, so the fast track was appropriate for us.  In fact, it was altogether necessary for preserving our purity; ESPECIALLY when I bought us a brand new house and lived in it as the two of us picked out furniture, decorations, and spatulas for it together.  I will write extensively on the ENTIRELY ACHIEVABLE struggle to keep one's purity in due time, but for now suffice to say that it is a worthy cause indeed to struggle to keep your hands of the person you're going to marry.  Consider the alternative of marrying someone to whom you're not sexually attracted; DISASTER.  Our wedding day was a beautiful day of worship and celebration...and also food poisoning.

So, that's how you bag a hot wife: you get a mohawk.

Joy after Loss and Pascal's Wager

My family and I are in the process of learning something profound; happiness after loss. I believe God's purpose for my family right now is the restoration of our joy and it's working. The ambitious prospect that we might know greater joy than ever after this seems more plausible than ever right now. If I had to boil it down to two fundamental concepts they would be holding steadfast to faith and 

seeing the bigger picture. One must try to be a stubborn visionary in such times as these. Persevering through something like that is an empowering experience after the fact. After praising God whilst standing over your son's grave, life's mundane problems pale in comparison and the thought of future hardship is no longer intimidating. The sun is rising. It helps in a huge way that stories continue to roll in about the impact Aiden's story had on people all over the country. I have been blessed to speak with and counsel people all over the country who were impacted by God's move in Aiden's story and that helps me see the eternal impact of our temporary grief. People from far states vacationing at Disney have come by the church just to share their Aiden stories with me. In the coming weeks, I will be baptizing people who gave their lives to Christ after hearing Aiden's story and that is the most amazing source of joy and purpose in all of this. Though the duration of our grief be lengthened 9 trillion times, it would still not yield a measurable fraction of the eternity for which these transformed will be in heaven. Facing that big picture perspective, I would endure it all again. "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us and eternal glory that far outweighs them all." -2 Corinthians 4:17.

The learning curve is steep right now, but what I've gathered so far I share with you as believers and non believers alike; that Christians who are also facing dark difficulty should hold steadfast to faith and see the greater purpose in sharing one's grief for the cause of bringing people to Christ and that those who are not Christians simply MUST ask the tough questions right now. "Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope." -1 Thessalonians 4:13. If you don't know God personally, my heart goes out to you. As an old friend of mine who is about as dedicated to atheism as one can be wrote to me, "What will I do when my world falls apart?" If you are not a Christian, the time to think on the morbid is before it visits you; not in a morose fashion, but by considering objectively the hope Christ offers in the face of an unavoidable reality. The time to weigh eternity is now and not when it is entirely too late. Daunting though the prospect might be, the risk of a misspent eternity demands at the very least a revisiting of one's ontology. Assumptions and misunderstandings of God's truth left incomplete by the discomfort of contemplating eternity are simply not adequate ground on which to stand in light of the 100% consistent data regarding those among us who will eventually face death. "Regret" seems too soft a word to describe that felt by the one who finds his assumptions to be eternally incorrect. It does not need to be so. Consider the risk. Consider the futility of pride in these matters. Consider now the blinding light of God's immense love for you. There is beautiful audacious hope and his name is "Jesus." May you meet my son Aiden one day and share in the stubborn joy God is teaching my family right now.